Best Facebook Status.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!

Please! Please!! Don’t write on my wall, i just painted it yesterday. Thanks.

My computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Tomorrow morning I’ll trying to see a polar bear in Alaska from my flat. MY flat is in 3rd floor so i do not think it going to be so hard.

if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won’t bother you for weeks.

a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never here the end of it!.

thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.

before you use the bathroom in someone’s house make sure you check they have toilet paper!

Has anyone thought about the fact that Mr.KRABS lives in BIKINI BOTTOM?

2 eyes to see, 2 ears to hear, 2 hands to hold, 2 legs to walk. but 1 heart? because the other was given to someone else, for us to find. ♥

I can’t really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook…

I knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words..

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it’s one of two things: either a new girl, or a new car!

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance.. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair.. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage.. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy.

I’m afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look like it was my fault.